How Long Has It Been?
by DittyWrites
Summary: "Raising his hands to his helmet, he released the sides and slowly removed it. Placing it on the hard wooden table he steeled his thoughts as he brought his eyes up and fully met his mothers gaze for the first time in years." (Set pre-movie)
1. How Long Has It Been?

"This offer from Supreme Leader Snoke will never be made available to you after this meeting has ended." Kylo Ren spoke evenly from beneath his mask as he addressed the leaders of the resistance. He was unsure as to the point of this farce of a meeting, the resistance would never agree to disband and swear loyalty to the First Order and he was well aware of that. Why Snoke had specifically selected him for this pointless venture was a little more clear as Ren avoided the one gaze in the room which had been truly focused on him since the moment he entered with his small escort.

His mother.

Although it was impossible for anyone to tell where his own gaze was directed he still could not bring himself to look in his mothers direction as he finished delivering the terms of the ultimatum which Snoke had issued him with. "You were allowed to select the area of this meeting as a sign of goodwill from the Supreme Leader but as soon as we are finished all hostilities will restart if our terms are rejected."

"These terms are rid-" One of the resistance officers started to shout after Ren finished but before he could finish his sentence he was cut off by a sharp hand on his shoulder and he turned to see his General making a motion for him to be silent.

"I want a word alone with our guest." General Organa commanded. At her words a few of the other members of the resistance started to raise their voice in protest, concerned at leaving their beloved general with such a noted monster. "I was not asking. Give us privacy and we can further discuss these terms."

The men continued to grumble as they stood from their seats and at their movement, Ren waved off his own guard to stand outside. His casual gesture belying the utter turmoil which was rocketing through his system. He did not want to be alone with her, but to suggest otherwise would make him appear weak.

As the last of the delegates left the room, there were a few moments of heavy silence before Leia opened her mouth. "How long has it been?" She asked quietly, her voice strong with only an undercurrent of sadness. "How long has it been since I last saw my son?"

"Your son is dead." Ren answered immediately, his mask giving his voice the strength it needed as it hissed from the sides. "Your son died many years ago. A fact you seem to be deliberately ignorant of."

"Remove your mask and face me then. If what you say is true and my son is truly dead then it should be no issue." She reasoned calmly but her voice held a hint of steel. A challenge. And as Ren picked up on it his eyes narrowed behind his mask as he silently cursed, he could not back down from such an obvious challenge to his person.

Raising his hands to his helmet, he released the sides and slowly removed it. Placing it on the hard wooden table he steeled his thoughts as he brought his eyes up and fully met his mothers gaze for the first time in years.

Her voice catching slightly as she drank in the view of her son, Leia felt her fingers itching to reach out and touch him but she was unsure how he would react so she willed the feeling away. Instead she settled on pursing her lips as she took in his dark hair, which sat in disarray. "Your hair is far too long and you should really consider cutting it. Stop hiding away that handsome face."

Feeling a little surreal, Ren glossed over her comments. "Will you agree to the terms General Organa?"

"General Organa huh?" Leia narrowed her eyes in anger. "Well then 'Kylo Ren', I should inform you that the resistance will never give in to the First Order and its evils." At her use of his new name, Ren felt a small lash of pain inside his heart. She had always staunchly refused to use anything but his birth name and what should have been a victory him felt somewhat hollow.

"The First Order will not fall victim to your lies and meager resistance." He argued hotly.

"You keep telling yourself that but I have a suspicion that you are don't fully believe the words you speak." Leia offered softly. "You can always come home and start to make things right before they go too far."

"You dare to presume anything about me?" Ren hissed, losing his composure somewhat as his mothers' words rang in his ears. "I could kill you now where you stand." He threatened harshly, hoping to get a reaction.

"You could." Leia nodded in agreement. Moving slowly she walked towards her son, who stood as still as marble at her approach, and gently raised his arm until it was level with her own throat. "Do it then. Show me how dedicated you are to the dark side. Kill me now and prove yourself to Snoke." She fixed him with a passive gaze as she waited his response.

Various snapshot memories flashed through his mind as he listened to her and felt her warm hand gently resting underneath his forearm. He had killed many, too many to count, with this exact same movement and position. It would almost be to easy to kill her, their respective guards would not be able to enter in time to prevent her death. Besides, he could snap her neck at a seconds notice.

But as his arm hung limply in her grasp he realised that he could not.

Not his mother.

She had aged in the time they had been separated but as he stared dumbly at her all he could see was his mother as she had been. Young, full of life and always there for him. His father, Han Solo, had been in and out of his young life but his mother was always there. She had tried to shield him from the dark side for so long, never understanding that Snoke was also there with him, telling him the truth and not the weak lessons of love and compassion which she tried to make him believe.

He would not kill his mother. The very notion filled him with a deep emptiness as he even contemplated the action and he knew he could not will his limbs to harm her directly. Snatching his arm from her grip as though she had scalded him, he took a step backwards, putting some distance between them. "Supreme Leader Snoke was very clear that this was to remain a final warning, a last chance for you and your people. I was given very strict instructions not to harm anyone present until hostilities resumed. I will not break his trust." He lied.

Still disturbed by his mothers attempt to force him to kill her, he covered up his internal torment by forcing an air of bravado. "You will all fall at the hands of the First Order. You, your troops, the traitor Solo and everyone else who stands against us." He snarled, ashamed at being unable to raise a hand against the woman before him. "And when that happens you will regret not accepting this very generous deal!"

"Perhaps we will." Leia shrugged in resignation. "Regardless, I will tell your father you said hello when he next drops in." At her words, Ren growled in mild frustration as he snatched up his mask, forced it back over his head and stormed from the room in a whirl of black.

As the door slammed in her face, Leia blinked away the sudden wetness in her eyes as she watched her only child walk away from her again. But even through her sadness a small smile curled at the corner of her lips. She had seen the momentary panic in his eyes as she asked him to end her. She may not have been as trained in the force as Luke or her son but she was skilled in detecting the emotions of those around her. Empathy was her talent. She had felt his horror, his desire for her to live on, his rage at the position he had been placed in.

But Ben still had not killed her. He had not even considered raising his hand to her.

 _Her son could still be saved._


	2. I Can Feel That You Know?

"They are attempting to flank us!" Leia yelled into her communicator as she spotted the advancing stormtroopers who had broken off to the right of the battlefield in an attempt to sneak up on her troops positions. Darting behind an old rock, she felt sudden blaster fire hit the other side and she timed her movements before twisting out and landing a shot directly to the stomach of the trooper who was attacking her.

Her personal guard was long gone, lost in the fray as she had been forced to travel around the battlefield and direct her troops. But she was surviving well. Her training and natural skill with a blaster made her a excellent shot and her force-sensitive nature gave her a definite advantage over her opponents. While not as skilled as Luke, her skills as an empath allowed her to almost anticipate what move her opponent was going to make and it gave her an almost inhumane reaction time .

Thus far the battle was too close to tell as both sides had incurred serious losses and Leia grimaced slightly as she surveyed the various dead who littered the battlefield.

She wished her brother was here.

Luke was always a source of comfort and it was in times of stress such as this that she found his lack of presence the most jarring. She also did not know Han's location, he had left for a secret smuggling job, which she had feigned ignorance about, the previous week and she seriously doubted that he was aware of the attack which was currently ongoing.

Plus she could sense him.

 _Her son._

He was present on the battlefield and, although she had yet to see him, she could feel a mixture of anger, excitement and an odd apprehension which gave her pause. She was certain that the apprehension was somehow related to her but her son had improved his ability to keep her out of his feelings and she could only pick up fleeting emotions.

Sweeping her gaze across the battlefield, she allowed her mind to drift as she tried to assess the condition of her troops. Her lieutenants were showing signs of success on the west but she could see the men on the east being a little overrun. As she was deciding how best to assist them, her blood ran cold as she heard a harsh "STOP THERE!" issuing from behind her.

Turning slowly she came to view two stormtroopers who had managed to sneak up on her in her distracted state. "Drop your weapon." The first trooper commanded and Leia's mind raced as she attempted to work out a plan. Both troopers had their weapons trained on her and she only had one blaster so in the time it took her to shoot one of them, the other would probably be able to get off a fatal shot towards her. Not an option.

"Drop it. Now." The voice demanded again and she resentfully followed the instruction, dropping her blaster to her feet and placing her hands down by her sides as she continued to attempt to form a plan. She cursed her own stupidity as the first trooper brought his weapon closer to his face as he took aim.

Heart heavy as she realised that she was finished, Leia closed her eyes gently as she attempted to push aside the fear in her heart and project a feeling of love to both her brother and husband, wherever they may be, and her son. If this was to be it then there was no better way for her to spend her last moments. After everything they had been through, she still loved her family and needed them to know that. With all that she had. After a few moments of silence, she heard the small click of the trigger and her breath hitched as she waited for the shot.

A second passed and yet Leia did not feel the sting of a shot or the heat of a missed blast.

Cracking one eye open, she was stunned to notice that the red blaster shot had halted in mid-air and was hovering a foot away from her unprotected chest.

A direct shot over her heart.

Throwing her gaze to the troopers she could sense that they were as confused as her as they watched the levitating blast refused to move. In Leia's mind there was only one possible explanation.

Her eyes widened, "Luke!" She breathed out, swinging her head from side to side as she tried to locate her saviour. Her brother was the only one with the skill and control to complete such an act. But as she darted her eyes around she could not locate him anywhere and her excitement died a little. Her bewilderment was soon interrupted by one of the troopers speaking again.

"Sir?" The trooper asked as he tilted his head to gaze at something just past Leia's shoulder. Whirling around to see who had managed to sneak up on her yet again, her breath caught in her throat as she laid eyes on the black-clad figure, her saviour.

Her son.

Literally unable to form coherent speech, Leia could only gaze at him. His clothing was torn in certain areas as a result of his fighting and she could see his saber attached to his side for easy access. His mask prevented her from seeing his facial expression and even as she tried to tap into his feelings she found it impossible to settle on a single emotion. He was in mental disarray.

Ren ignored her as he kept his head facing the two troopers, only a few meters and a halted blaster fire between them. The troopers were noticeably uneasy as they remained under his obvious gaze, generally he had very little contact with the stormtroopers themselves and his reputation obviously proceeded him. 'Good', he thought, they had very valid reason to be afraid.

Since arriving on the battlefield he had been aware of his mothers presence almost instantly as he sensed her attempting to feel out the locations and fates of her soldiers using the force. During the course of the fighting he had found himself being constantly driven closer towards her position and it was making him apprehensive as he was filled with a deep desire to avoid all contact with her.

If they met he feared he would be forced to attack her. Any actions otherwise could have serious consequences for him and his perceived loyalties if he were to be discovered.

But he had felt her. He had been mid-kill when he felt the sudden burst of love which she was clearly projecting at him and he could sense an underlying current of fear which she was desperately attempting to hide. His entire body was screaming at him that something was very wrong and he instantly started to sprint towards the location where the feeling were coming from.

Arriving at his mothers position, he was just in time to see the trooper take a shot at his obviously defenseless mother and without thinking, without hesitating, he had thrown his hand up to still the blast. There was no way he could deny the fear and rage which he felt at seeing the attempted murder and he had reacted instinctively. But now he was at a loss for what to do.

"Sir?" The trooper inquired again and Ren was broken from his thoughts. He had revealed too much with his actions and there had to be corrections made. Plus, there was still the rage which was infecting his system as he surveyed the duo who were only following their orders.

Flicking his hand quickly to the right in an almost casual gesture, he sent the red blast careering back to the trooper who had fired it and it pierced his stomach, killing him instantly. In the same movement he brought his other hand up and used his abilities to cut the remaining troopers air supply off, clenching his fist suddenly to bring the man to a fast end while ignoring the gasp of his mother as she witnessed the act of brutality.

The noise of the ongoing battle contrasted glaringly with the silence which Leia and Ren now found themselves facing as they watched each other passively.

Neither wanted to break the silence, Ren did not want to discuss what had just occurred and Leia was afraid that he would run if she attempted to speak to him. Instead she settled on searching his feelings for some indication on what he was now experiencing.

"I can feel that you know." Ren spoke slowly through the mask, attempting to make his voice seem less threatening that usual. "Please stop before you make me force you out."

Nodding her head in acceptance, she ceased her attempts to read him before asking the one question above all else which was playing on her mind, "Why?" She inquired gently as she tried not to spook him into leaving. "I would be a great loss to the Resistance and I'm sure you would be greatly rewarded for overseeing the assault which saw me defeated. So why save me?"

Ren was silent and Leia could tell that he was carefully considering his answer. His face was still hidden and it caused her a deep, painful ache. She would give anything to see him face in this moment. She was about to repeat her question when she heard his faint reply.

"Not you."

The two words hit her harder than she thought they would and she wiped subtly as her suddenly wet eyes. It had been over a year since their private meeting in which he had demanded her surrender and the war had only become more brutal and bloody since then, and yet his opinion on her had not changed. Even in the heat of battle, with blood-lust and chaos raging all around, her son could not kill or even raise a hand against her.

"You killed those two troopers in cold blood." She accused quietly.

"Just as they would have killed you in cold blood had I not intervened," he paused, "and in the grand scheme of things you have much more value to the galaxy as a whole. They will not be greatly missed."

He would miss her. She heard the unspoken confession. "I can't say that I am not thankful but...Ben you killed them in cold blood. No hesitation. No compassion."

He shrugged. "Their deaths were quick and they did not suffer."

Realising that they were not going to agree on this point, Leia switched tactics. "Will you take your mask off?" It had not escaped her notice that he had not protested the use of his real name.

An instant reply, "No."

"You have taken it off previously in my presence, why not now?" Leia asked, her voice tinged by curiosity. Despite trying to avoid dipping into his emotions she picked up a small undercurrent of shame and her eyes widened a little. He was ashamed that she had been allowed to see his actions since she had never physically seen him kill before. "You saved me. Despite the methods I still appreciate it and I will not forget." She offered soothingly.

Leia could feel his uncertainty and she could tell that he was about to say something important when a sudden explosion of noise issued from near-by and Leia's head shot to the side as she attempted to locate its source. She could see a small collection of troopers advancing in their general direction although they had not actually seen her or their leader yet.

A burst of worry and panic came from her son and, as she turned to face him, she just caught sight of his black hand aiming at her head from his position a few feet away. She realised suddenly that she had let her mental guard down in his presence and she was totally vulnerable as his presence entered her mind. The last thing she felt a small sting of betrayal as her vision turned to black and she fell to the ground while something caught her around the waist.

x-x-x-x-x

The sound of someone calling her name dragged her back into consciousness and as she opened her eyes she was met with the concerned face of Poe Dameron, who was gently shaking her. "General Organa?" He asked again.

"Poe?" She shook her head to clear the cloudiness from her thoughts, "What happened?"

He looked uncertain for a moment. "I am unsure. I was continuing my aerial assault when I got an anonymous and untraceable message over my communicator with this specific location and an instruction that you were injured here and I was to remove you from battle as soon as possible. Are you injured?" His concern grew.

"No. I am fine. Did we win the battle?" As she attempted to sit up she felt something warm and heavy covering her and she picked up the dark cloth which was covering her. "What is this?"

"We still have control of the planet but we have sustained some serious losses which I will tell you while we are travelling back to base. About the cloth, I have no idea." Poe confirmed as he glanced at it, "It was already here when I arrived. It looks like a cloak to me? Maybe the person who first found you put it there?" He paused. "But I don't know why one of our own would leave you here instead of helping you? It couldn't be a stormtrooper because they have been instructed to kill or capture you on sight."

Leia feigned confusion as she answered him, "I have no idea Poe." She kept up the look of consideration as her mind drifted to her son and all that she had learned today as Poe helped her to her feet. Ben had saved her life today but she was already aware that he had no real desire to kill or harm her. But this? This was different. He had actively sought her out help to ensure that she would be discovered by her own people and then he had also sacrificed his cloak to keep her...protected? Warm? Safe?

She did not know what his intentions were but her belief that her son could be saved, a belief which had been diminishing as she continued to hear tales of his exploits, had finally gained that little piece of hope which it so desperately needed.


End file.
